The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
