Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
