gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
