Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
