On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize