i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
