my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
