We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
