No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
