I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
