i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
