We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
