i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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