he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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