I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Rumble strips road head = magical
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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