when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
