I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
