i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
