so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
this hospital has no fireball
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
