I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
