"it" just moved
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
