Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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