The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
