Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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