somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
