Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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