Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
