It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
