even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
