Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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