Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
