He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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