Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
