I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
