You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
