I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize