When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
