i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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