hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No more Irish car bombs ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
