i think my tv is drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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