So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
