Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
