We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
