Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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