made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
