dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
