I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
