and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
