Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
