I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
