When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize