You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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