That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
