he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
