i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
