It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
