you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
