i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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