I'm going to jail i love you
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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