3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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