32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize