She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
