help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
