my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
