How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
